“Stars!” I shouted through the thunder to the appaloosa pacing behind the chain link fence. “Stars! You are always the one getting into trouble! In the middle of a storm trying to find fresh grass!” As I let the chain of the tractor shed down with one hand, I steadied myself against a wooden structure pole with the other. The horse bolted up the pasture, as the finger of God bolted down. That stormy day on my horse ranch in Tennessee, standing in the pouring rain with my arms outstretched, I was struck dead by a bolt of lightning…and it changed my life forever.
Not everyone needs to be struck by lightning, or have a miracle happen, to understand God’s will for his life. But, that is the method that God used to fix up one of his most broken kids: me. It was summertime in the South. A time of good green pasture for the horses, ripe tomatoes on the vine, and long drives in the country. Life seemed wonderfully slow for me that gracious summer; as slow as the drone of the honeybees in the apple trees, as slow as the preparations for the upcoming county fair.
For the first time in many years, all four of my children had come together for vacation time, and I knew that it would be the last tick of the clock before their lives would get too busy to experience this again. I was making every opportunity to show them a full and adventurous summer. Life had never been so materially good! I was thankful to share the riches of my new life as a new wife. We would swim in the pool, watch movies and ride the go-cart. We would drive the jaguar in the country and go camping and have picnics. We would ride the horses.
I could overlook the growing detachment of my husband and the late night phone calls. I could also ignore the mysterious apathy and disdain my oldest daughter had for me. I could overlook the bill collectors’ constant threats and the new expensive toys being brought home that we couldn’t afford. I thought I could make it through anything - hadn’t I just survived my fourth encounter with possible death? Even the doctors were amazed. The venomous spider bite had tried to shut down my breathing and my heart, but the doctors knew what drugs to pump through me and I had made it through - and this had happened just the previous week!
My husband and I had been married only a year and a half. The marriage counseling would work. He would stop comparing me unfavorably to his “special friend” of seventeen years, telling me about her just two weeks ago; and for me to “just deal with it.” He would stop needing her. He would remember he loved only me. I hoped time would blow away the ominous gray clouds gathering in my personal life. I kept telling myself time would help, and I would adjust again, somehow.
I hoped that if I closed my eyes and wished hard enough, everything bad would just disappear. Hadn’t I gone through this enough times? Why did this keep repeating itself? Why did I continue to make poor choices about the mate in my life? One thing I had learned - that I would feel that I didn’t deserve this and that God had abandoned me. Then I would usually try to fix things myself. When that would fail, I would then call upon Him, and he would bail me out, change the situation, and slowly mend all the broken parts. But this time, I felt there was no way my life could be fixed. I was broken beyond repair. I felt I had no mission, that my life had no purpose.
I was so tired of starting over. For the first time in my life I felt I had some material advantage, and I did not want that to change - the children enjoyed it so much, and so did I. I chose not to pray about it - I felt I would sacrifice my happiness for whatever short-term material gain could benefit the children and me. My life had been messed up too much, and too many times. There was nothing left for me. So I decided I would do what my husband said, and just “deal with it.” I would resign myself to ignoring the problems around me, and just struggle from day to day, with a fake smile and heavy heart. Love between people seemed only a façade for control. I felt already dead; my heart knew no joy. I was without hope, and felt helplessly broken.
Although I refused to see the storm swirling under my own roof, I couldn’t ignore the rain and thunderclouds gathering outside over the valley. Strong winds were blowing up the hill over the pasture; rain was beginning to pelt the garden. That’s when I ran out of time. And I would never look at time, and many other things, the same way again. My old life would soon be over; the former anxiety ridden, hopeless person I was, literally died on that summer day. As the rain worsened it sounded like large marbles dropping on the metal-roofed sheds. I had to go check on the horses. I had to make sure they were safe.
One of the horses, a leopard appaloosa, had gotten under the chain placed across the driveways of the carport where we kept the tractor, truck, and various farm implements. He was trotting around anxiously looking for a way out, and I was afraid he was going to hurt himself. “Stars!” I shouted. “Stars! You are always the one getting into trouble! In the middle of a storm trying to find fresh grass!” I steadied myself with one hand on a wooden support pole and with the other unhooked the chain and moved aside. Stars ran out, kicking up his heels. I went to click it back into place, and a bright light burst around me, with a deafening roar.
My muscles instantly contorted this way and that – reminiscent of the wild gyrations of John Travolta in “Saturday Night Fever.” I was doing an uncontrollable electrical dance. There was an instant of terrible pain, and then I felt no pain, and actually gained clarity of thought. In that split second, I turned around and tried to push my chest against the corner of the parked truck, remembering that electrical shocks often stop the heart. Then, my eyesight narrowed and I felt my body slowly slide down the bumper onto the wet earth; and all went black.
The next thing I knew, I found myself standing on nothing, way up in the universe, and there were distant colorful planets all around me. As I lifted my arm, I could see misty pinpoints of stars through it, and when I moved it back and forth it made the stars look wiggly, like a reflection on water. I felt dizzy. I had a sense of being able to see not just in front of me, but all around me at the same time. Floating just a few feet from me, I saw a man with a spirit body just like mine (no wings), though he was short and had slanted eyes. He spoke to me with a voice that I heard inside my own head, saying: “Don’t be afraid, it’s ok.”
On the other side of me, another spirit person, this one much taller and with chiseled facial features (again no wings), nodded approvingly at me. All the while, we were moving with great speed toward a great ellipsed ball of spinning light; it was brilliantly white in the middle and yellowish on the outside edges. The closer we got to it, the more I felt overwhelming Love; it seemed so warm and comforting, it encompassed my very being…like the security of a favorite grandfather’s arms gently wrapped around a child on his lap. How wonderful I felt!
We stopped. The bright light was still far from me. I wanted to go on, I felt like a magnet, irresistibly drawn. The desire to “blend” had grown stronger the closer we got – I knew this place was the heavenly throne of God himself! Why had we stopped? As I stood there confused, yearning toward the Greatness beyond my reach, a glowing luminousness appeared in front of me. Gold and white sparkles came together in a glowing spiritual body, a giant image in the shape of a man with broad shoulders. A Divine Presence was here! A gentle voice called out from this realm of golden sparkles massed brilliantly in front of me – “what have you learned?” he asked, in a nondiscriminatory and non-accusing way. The voice was so soft and tender, yet the presence of Divine authority was there; I knew without a doubt that it was the voice of God’s own son, the very-much alive Jesus Christ.
Then - all of a sudden, life events unfolded before my very eyes! Key moments where I showed anger to people, and also where I had showed love, appeared like scenes out of a movie. I could feel the anger and hurt of the other person whenever I had been mean; and I also felt the anger as it rippled on through to others. I had never before faced the horrid deepness of my own sin. Then, where I showed love to people, I felt that too; and how much further that rippled out from person to person, as a warm pulse triggering cause and effect in all things that were wonderful and blessed…I had never before experienced such joy!
Then the presence of Christ said, “the flesh is the test of the spirit…love each other.” Words of wisdom imparted to me! I felt overwhelmed with love, and so privileged. The spirit on my right then talked inside my head again, and answered many questions on my mind. He also taught me details about many wonderful and sacred things. A seed was planted within me; a groundwork had been laid. And I knew that God wanted me to share this information later on, and would give me the ability to understand it. In fact, many things “I didn’t know I knew” end up being in the pages of the books I am asked to write, and what a joy they have turned out to be – to love and share with so many people in this way, and to be loved back!
While I floated there before the consciousness of Christ, the very presence of Jesus, the spirit then told me something that I didn’t at all understand: “welcome to the world of healers,” he said. This was a shock - I had no idea what that meant. I had never believed in such a thing! The church I had been with believed healing had died out in the first century with the Apostles, and also that NDEs were only reactions of a dying brain. What could this welcome mean?
At this point Christ went back into formless sparkles and faded away, and the stars and space behind his glowing features were visible once again. Such effervescent beauty and colors twinkled around me, like being in the midst of a sparkling aurora borealis. So many shapes of heavenly bodies transfixed in the cosmos, all unique and necessary, all untold distances away. Yet they felt so close that it seemed I could reach out and pluck them out of the sky, and carry them home cupped in my hands.
The slant-eyed spirit went on and continued to teach me even more. He pointed out different stars, planets, distant colorful swirling lights of all kinds, and gave names for all of them. He continued to fill me up and give me answers to thousands of questions that I never had questions for! Reams of information seemed to be exploding in my brain, like an empty library suddenly being realized! Details flooded my being about many wonderful and sacred things. I wondered: were these things newly learned, or just somehow remembered? Everything somehow felt familiar, in the Oneness of it all. I also became aware of thousands of others around me; observing, encouraging and fully loving and accepting me. I saw two children excitedly talking with each other about coming back to earth and what their new purposes would be. We live more than once. And I remembered that I had forgotten that! And I realized that in many things I had chosen tradition and pleasing others in how I viewed myself, others, and God.
The spirit who was speaking to me did not offer his name, and I did not ask. I wanted to be careful to show homage only to the True God, not to any one else. And I wanted to stay! I wanted to join myself with God’s swirling life force, his essence, the core of heaven, was just beyond! But, I wasn’t allowed to go any further. No! I wanted to go to God! I wanted to feel more Love! “Why can’t I be with you now Father? Please, Abba, Please!” I listened as hard as I could listen, waiting for the words of God. Then, just on the outside of my understanding, I faintly heard voices singing the most beautiful melody I had ever heard in my entire life. I absolutely knew that these were the blessed voices of angels and those joined with God, and came from his swirling brilliant presence, the core of heaven. There were no musical instruments, but instead, each voice lent itself as one in perfect harmony and variations of pitch and melody, flowing and moving perfectly together as easily as a flight of winged birds.
I knew it was praise for The Father, but I just couldn’t make out the words the Angels were saying. If only I could step forward just a bit more…but I was rooted in place. I felt so sad. Then all at once, words started resonating throughout my entire body as if I was standing in front of a huge amplifier at a concert stadium. It was the voice of God. It was not a hearing through my ears, but throughout my entire being. “If you love me, heal my children, help them remember who they are.”
Free will. What would I do? Yes, I would participate, I would offer. How could I not? How could I say no to God? I knew I would be totally loved and approved of either way, but I knew I would be missing out on an opportunity to expand the ripple effect of love. I needed to go back to the earth. I also wanted to make a “better movie” of my life. So there and then, I vowed to be a vessel to do only his will, I would go back.
I absolutely gave myself to him. I wanted desperately to show how much I loved him, and to share the reality of his existence with others! His will, not my own, I promised, would govern the rest of my life. If he could use this broken piece of clay from the earth, it was all his. I totally dedicated myself and surrendered all desires. Instantly, I felt a child-like sense of wonderment as a warm flood of bliss and peace overpowered me, and a warm tingling sensation filled me, like warm liquid honey flowing from the top of my head down to my very toes! What was happening to me? It was the baptism of the Holy Spirit, an anointing more commonly experienced on earth, that I was experiencing here in heaven. At that moment I knew that I would have abundant help with the work. For his children, I would be an instrument of opportunity for teaching and healing. They would be shown the true identity of a powerful loving God who loves them and desires to be an active participant in their lives. Clearly, I had a mission.
I was shown by Father that in the future I would be speaking to thousands of people at a time on spiritual things, not religious – and great healings would be happening. And the gifts of God would be poured out just for the asking, and great manifestations of signs and wonders would be occurring within the audience itself, and the Spirit of God would move all to love and remembrance of who they are, who one another is, and who Father is! All this would be occurring as the darkness in the world got darker; for the light would become brighter too. And love would win. This time is now.
Then I felt myself sinking, as if falling through a bed. I was being pulled back. I was leaving heaven. Instantly all my emotions welled up inside; remorse and joy, grief and exhilaration.
With that, I woke up, my husband shaking me by the shoulders. Somehow my physical body was now lying on the front seat of the truck, although I had left it outside in the mud. I knew clearly this was God’s hand in helping the physical body to survive. Three hours had passed since I had left the house to go to the tractor shed. The storm had moved on, though later we observed that there was evidence of at least three other strikes on the pasture, besides the one that had struck me. We saw the spots blasted on the earth. I had been under one of those blasts.
At the emergency room I was hooked up with wires and given tests to check my heart. A thorough exam revealed that it had not been damaged. But, my eyes and ears were affected very badly, as was my sense of balance. I couldn’t see very well, or hear much at all. I felt dizzy, but keenly calm and aware of the reality of my experience. The only piece of jewelry I had been wearing at the time was a single diamond earring. A brown burn mark now encircled the gold stud where it went through my ear. My skin tingled all over and was extremely sensitive to the touch, especially on my arms and in my hands. It hurt to wear clothes.
The doctors told me that I had been very lucky; the doctor said that often an arm or leg gets blown off during a strike (was he kidding?). People often die (and don’t come back – yes, I knew that). They reasoned that because I was holding the chain with one hand and the wet wooden pole with the other, the current had passed through me, instead of grounding in my body. I knew they wouldn’t believe me if I told them it had been a Divine strike, that God offered this as a wake-up call, and that I had been before the presence of God (and oh, by the way, Jesus spoke to me!). They would have kept me a lot longer than they did, and probably in a little white jacket, in a locked padded room to boot!
I spent a few days in bed, oscillating between a wild mixture of extreme happiness and unbelievable sadness. The emotions ran deeper than any I had ever felt. I was glad for the experience, but I was experiencing such homesickness! I kept re-living the event over and over in my mind, every detail emblazoned into my brain. I was determined that even if I forgot my own name, I would never forget this. I tried painting what I had seen - oil paints on canvas. The colors, no matter how I mixed them, were not brilliant enough. Nothing could capture what I had seen and felt. I felt sad again. Then once more, happy for the experience. Then confused. What did it all mean? I was losing the clarity. I prayed consistently to God to help me hear and feel him even though I was back in a physical body. I was afraid I would forget everything and all would be lost.
After a few days, I was back to my chores, including putting salve on Star’s skin infection. For six weeks I had smoothed on the medicine the vet had given me, but still the red blisters kept spreading and killing the hair all around his girth. Now I had run out of medicine, so I just rubbed his belly lightly around the outside of the infection because he had grown used to the attention. I noticed that my hands were getting very hot. I thought it must be bacteria from the infection, and when I washed my hands under cold water it went away. I didn’t think anything of it.
The next day, I walked up to rub his belly again - reminding myself to get new salve soon - and noticed that all the blisters had turned white and some were falling off. I once more rubbed around the infection, and my hands turned hot once more. The next day when I went out, all the blisters had fallen off, and there was evidence of new hair growing back. I thought this was mere coincidence. The medicine must have finally worked. I didn’t correspond it to what I had been told.
The next week, I took my cat in to be spayed. The vet said it would take 10 days for the stitches to completely heal. On the first day, she didn’t want anything to do with me. But, the second day, she was in my lap as much as possible. She just would not leave me alone - even yowling for me if I left the room! Every time I would rub her and pet her, I found that my hands would heat up again. On the third day, she tried pulling the stitches out with her teeth. On the morning of the fourth day, I decided to look at what was going on, and found that the skin had healed so well that the stitches were puckering her skin up tight. I found myself embarrassed to take her back to the vet - what would he say? So I carefully cut the threads and pulled them out myself, through skin that bore no surgical scar. Now I began to understand what was happening. I could heal animals.
Then, I wondered, will this work on me? The very next day, I made connection in prayer to God, and as I gave free will for healing, I was mentally transported to heaven, and saw myself standing before God once more, as in the near-death experience. I saw myself lifting a body up in my arms towards God, and the body was me. In real life, I placed my hands hot on my forehead, and on various parts of my body. Then, I made an appointment with the doctor. A previous mammogram had shown a lump in my breast, which they had recommended further action on, but I had put off. A former doctor had told me I had fibroid cysts in my uterus, which could only be removed through surgery. Also, I had a torn rotator cuff in my shoulder, which had prevented me from sleeping well for the past six months( a fall off of Stars).
I anxiously awaited the test results: …the mammogram showed the lump was gone…the diagnostic ultrasound showed clear, the fibroid cysts had disappeared. …also, I could sleep at night without any pain; my rotator cuff was healed. Hesitantly, I started sharing this new gift with my friends - and that’s when I ran into trouble. I found that I was taking the pain of their ailment onto myself. If they had a migraine, I would get a migraine. If they had stomach pain, I would get stomach pain. That scared me - I found myself afraid to use the gift. Maybe I was using it wrong? Why would God give me a gift that would harm me to use it? I felt I wouldn’t last very long in this work. And yet, I knew in my heart that God wouldn’t give me something that would be unsafe for me to use. What was I missing?
I thought I might find answers if I watched the healing ministries on TV. For the first time in my life I wondered if they could actually be legitimate. I had never believed in this sort of thing - I had always felt it must be fake, simply a showy display to raise money and give people false hope. Now I wanted desperately to talk to one of the healers. Did they feel sick afterward? Had they each been told, “welcome to the world of healers?” in some way? Was I part of this same group? What did God want me to understand? There was no way to contact anyone. I knew somehow I would be guided to the answers I needed about how to expand upon the gift, and how and where.
I continued on this way for a time, confused by the gift. I thought maybe I would work only on animals; I did not feel their pain. I imagined myself working for a veterinarian, alone in a back room, quietly healing all the little ones. I didn’t know what to do. So, I prayed for understanding, and what I found were words overflowing back at me from the scriptures of the Bible. The pages would randomly fall open to pertinent information, and my eyes would emblazon on the scriptures he wanted me to see. They popped out as brightly as if a yellow marker pen highlighted them! Dozens of scriptures!
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah. 29:11)
“You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” (Matthew. 5:14)
“…fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” (2 Timothy. 1:6)
A friend told me about a group of people in town that offered hands-on healing so I thought I would go talk to them. Twice a month they would gather here in this upper room and invite any who wanted to come. Their hands were hot like mine; and the people they were attending had come from the community, mostly the poor and the curious. When I entered the room, I saw many people sitting around tables, with a person lying peaceful upon the table receiving the healing. They were in prayer, and I saw a picture of Jesus hanging predominately on the wall, which made me feel comfortable. They called what they were doing Reiki, and although many use this form of healing without prayer, these were incorporating it as they moved from one part of the body to another. I prayed about what I was seeing and felt at peace.
On the desk was information about this Japanese technique, and I thumbed through it. There was a picture of a man, Dr. Usui, who had given Japanese hands-on-healing this name of Reiki in the early 1800’s, although it had been known for hundreds of years before. He had started many healing clinics in Japan. I looked at the picture and gasped - I knew this man! This was the spirit with slant-eyes and rounded belly that was beside me during my near-death experience! The very same man! My Goodness! God works in very, very mysterious ways!
With this, I knew what my next step was; and I went through the training classes of Usui Reiki. This was a touch-stone offered to help me begin feeling comfortable about group healing. As soon as I made the decision to become trained, any pain from doing any healing disappeared, and now I felt energized and euphoric after the healings. It wasn’t the Reiki that made it disappear; it was the decision to openly follow-through on what I had promised to God. The Big Guy has always used healing and miraculous signs and wonders in all parts of the earth in all cultures, in all periods of time. It doesn’t matter the training or technique – it matters Whom you are making connection to; and choosing to be an opportunity for that Love to transform and manifest. And it is up to the person who is receiving that healing to use free will to participate in welcoming it or not. God is big on free will. But he offers opportunity to all regardless of boundaries, cultures, or era. He’s a great guy, and truly to be healed and to remember who they are!
So again, adding prayer and recognizing God’s Love is what makes the miracles happen, no matter what the name of the modality is. With prayer all transformation takes place. It is not the method or terminology or what analytical touch-stone a human might use. It is the faith in God and the prayer with connects spirit to Spirit.
When God gives his people a commission or Divine gift, he does not do it without a specific purpose. So many times I had been absolutely shattered, yet he had still held me gently in the palm of his hands. There had also been many times we had walked together hand-in-hand, and many times I had turned away from him, hid my face in shame or in anger, and withdrew my hand from his. Yet, his arm was still outstretched, and he still loved me…I was astonished. Unbelievable! And now, he gave me a real purpose, along with a job where I would be working in direct communion with him everyday. He wasn’t tired of me yet! I would also be making friends and helping people from all walks of life, social standing, color and religious or spiritual background. I would get to be the nurse’s assistant to the Great Physician. I would get to see the miracles as he reached out to tell his children he is not only real and cares about them, but also has the power to manifest and transform our struggles. He desires so to have no distraction from the joyful, abundant, healthy and loving lives he desires us to have, and from fulfilling the dreams and purposes placed within our hearts.
So why the lightning strike and near-death experience? We all have defining moments, and this was mine. I was a most stubborn child in clinging to what I thought I knew. I had been so resistant, having “blinders” on and putting “God in a box,” that only an empirical, first-hand experience would open me up. I had a purpose now, and I did not have to suffer in silence or ignore my plight. I could be strong again, because his strength was in me. Everything was made anew! By Free Will I had died to self at the foot of heaven and upon the earth - and he had resurrected me up again. I was a new person. He opened me up! I vowed I would never allow myself to be closed down again.
I asked to float in his love as easily as a feather upon the breeze, and that I would go wherever he led me. “The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.” (John 3:8)
Now, my entire life is an adventure and an aware spirit journey! I get to see cancer disappear, brain tumors shrink and go away, blind eyes see and deaf ears hear. I get to be there when the arthritis melts away and chronic disease abates. I get to be there to see the addictions leave without side-effects, and I get to help bring peace, calmness and joy to lives of mental depression and hopelessness. I get to see infertile couples experience the joy of carrying a child in their bellies and in their arms. I meet people from all over the world, and get to be there everyday when incredible things happen, and form friendships that are deep and moving. Along the way, this wider connection with God has led to other interventions of Spirit, such as miraculous long-distance healings, medical intuition, locating missing children, helping on crime scenes, visions and prophecies. Through this Oneness of connection, nothing is impossible! I praise God continually as I enjoy every day, every moment, and every experience I have! I am always amazed how he brings his kids together, to learn to love one another and help each other. It totally humbles me to be involved in this kind of work. For this is not about me, he wants each of us to remember who we are, to be the mystic, and to transform darkness into light.
The point is this: you don’t have to be struck by lightning or have a near-death experience to open up, change your life, appreciate each other, or to have a special connection with God. Love is the key to everything. Remember, the life-review you have will be about the love you showed or didn’t show. It’s all about love! When I was before the Ultimate, I wished only to love and be responsible to him. But what he wanted was for me to be responsible and love everyone else. So, we prove our love by loving everybody else! And, it has opened me to surrender in faith to whatever God needs from me, and he has continued my enlightenment. Since July of 2005 I have been experiencing the Holy Stigmata, the five wounds of Christ. It opens spontaneously about once a month and lasts for 3 to 5 days. Part of that experience comes with new visions and information for the important time of shift we are living in, which is then written down and shared. We have even been given prayers called “Divine Decrees” that help us transform our lives and global events with Angelic help. And the healings that are occurring since that connection are even more miraculous!
My brokenness has led me to a mending of the very highest kind, and everything in my life has changed, in alignment to fulfilling that purpose. I stood up for love and everything not of love shifted out of my life. To that end, after many years I am now re-married to a loving and spiritual partner, who hears God clearly for himself and follows through on the mission placed in his heart, besides supporting me in mine. I am blessed to be working at our own place with a helpful team at The Divine Wellness Institute in southern California. Consistent with the expanding information I receive, I continue to write books and hold healing conventions in many places. We have MP3s on lots of topics and “Becoming the Mystic Classes” and live teleconferences. There are so many ways for the love to ripple and bless!
